I only seem like an insomniac.

RebeccaUncategorized0 Comments

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Day 13 of the 19 day blogging spree for Top Military Mom!  If you have a second, pretty, pretty, pretty please go click on THIS VOTING LINK and vote, because it’s a tight race, and I would adore some support!  (Seriously, it’s only a click, just a little, bitty click!)  Did you click?  Okay, let’s go on…

Life is interfering.

In what?  EVERYTHING.

I write a lot about balance, achieving this perfection where everything gets done, and everything is Pottery Barn perfect.  Well, the balance that never quite happens when Jason’s gone.  That whole concept just flies right out the window and runs down the street screaming.  

This week, I’ve had every intention of getting on top of everything.  Sure, if I tried hard enough, I could entertain kiddos, scour the house, outline my new book, critique a few manuscripts… you know, the norm.  This is so not the case. This week was about putting out fires.

It’s seems like every time I sit down to write a daily blog, it’s no longer today, but tomorrow.  Even right now, it’s 1:07 AM, and I just finished the third load of dishes for this evening.  200 cake pops will mess up a kitchen, I tell you!  But the kids are asleep, and this is the only guaranteed quiet I have during my day.

I’m seem to be an insomniac because it’s the only time of day I have to myself.

With the boys home for summer, there’s never a moment during my day I can get in a half-hour of work without refereeing a fight, fixing a snack, cleaning up a mess, bandaging a skinned knee, or re-bandaging one when Brody picks the scab off.  This isn’t anything extraordinary, it’s simply the life of a stay-at-home mom.  But when you’re trying to work from home, it’s a wee bit more challenging.  Like, slightly impossible.

We have quiet time set, but even during that precious time, I find myself on the kids at first like:

But of course the nice approach isn’t going to work, so now I’m all:

 If by chance 30 minutes does pass without interruption, I have to admit, I’m kind of like:

And when I walk into the toy room to check on the boys, I inevitably find:

Boys, please, for the love of Pete, get along for just a little bit.  I promise, it will not kill you.

Night is the only time I have a quiet home, where the only noises to interrupt me are the obnoxious snores of Diesel as our Sausage-shaped English Bulldog sleeps underneath my raised recliner.  Night time is when I can lose myself in a manuscript, throw in one last chore, or write a blog.  😉  Truth is: there’s simply too much to get done during the day for the hours we have to do it in.

This isn’t a new problem.  I get a lot of questions asking me, “how do you balance it all?”  Um. I don’t.  Guys.  Sometimes, I feel like you see me as: 
But in reality, it’s more like….
My lack of balance is why it’s now 2:05 A.M., and I’m still downstairs, writing this blog, even though we have family coming in exactly seven hours, and I’ve physically exhausted myself the last two days.  Honestly?
In search of this mythical balance, I find myself burning the candle at every end it can possibly catch fire, and though it may appear that I’m holding everything together, well, at the end of every week, I honestly take a peek around and think:
The good news?  Another week has passed and we’re one more week into this deployment.  One week closer to Jason coming home.  Let’s just hope I haven’t driven myself mad before he gets here.
Sleeping, as much as I crave it, need it, miss it, seems to devour too much time for me.  It’s not even deployment insomnia this time, it’s just my unwillingness to give up the only quiet time I have in the house.  
Quiet is precious.
But night is also when I get my best writing done.  My mind switches on, and off I go.  And oh, since I’ve been working on New Adult lately…  Well, writing those steamy scenes while my kids are walking through the living room is just… well…  it leaves me feeling really…
So yeah, I’m up too late, and it seems like I’m a total insomniac.  But I’m not.  Heck no.  I’m exhausted.  But my desperation for peace and quiet wins out over sleep every time. 
Oh, in totally unrelated news?  Tonight I introduced my daughter to John Hughes.  Up first was Pretty in Pink.  Why?  Because the Brat Pack is a MUST for every teen girl.   She’ll be 16 in October, and…
But the truth is?

Up next?  Sixteen Candles, because she simply has to hear, “Oh, sexy, American GIRLFRIEND!”  Yeah.  I’m a rockin’ step-mama like that.  Of course, I did manage to knock a few things off the to-do list while we watched that, so hey, I’m multi-tasking.  
Okay, it’s now 2:20 AM, and bed is calling.  Jason will be up early, and if I’m lucky, I might get to snag a few minutes online with him.  Score.  But for now?  Sleep.
Night!  Or morning.  Yeah, whatever.

       

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