Man, how I have missed this blog. Seriously. I love having my dream job, and writing books, but for the last couple of months, I’ve had to learn to do things differently, since I was writing under a deadline… which pretty much looks like this:
So I crawl out of the Drafting / Revising Cave, and I get a spontaneous visit from my parents (Who live in Colorado… Seriously). They came in to meet our Little Miss, and I’ve never been as happy as when I saw her snuggled up on the couch with my mother. I’d show you pictures, but I can’t, so just imagine happiness like:
Mom, I know you’re reading this, so I know you appreciate the Beetlejuice .gif. Shake, Senora. 😉
So I get five great days with them before they leave, I turn in ETS, and I see that there’s like… sunshine in the outside world. And I sleep, and it’s glorious. Until I realize a major event that we’ve been ignoring while I write, and it kinda snuck up on me like:
Yup, orders are here.
Moving. Now what’s fun about us moving? Yeah, I’m taking you guys along for the ride. For those of you who are new (or coming here from Pitch Wars), why is this so insane? First, we have a house to sell. Second, we’ll be PCS’ing while I’m in EYES TURNED SKYWARD edits for release with Entangled, and writing the next in the series. Third, we’re about to do this in the middle of hockey season, which means all 4 of our boys (on 3 separate teams) are about to straddle two states and two different leagues… 6 teams. Fourth? Jason will be TDY enroute, so we have two crazy windows to leave. But the biggest issue we have during this PCS….
We don’t know when we’ll be going.
Why? Because we’ve been fostering a little girl we love more than sunshine, and we’re not sure what’s going to happen with her. We’ve tucked her into bed for 10 months now, and we won’t leave her behind unless her solution is permanent, which means there’s every chance in the world that I’ll be living here in NY with our boys and our Little Miss, and Jason will be moving home to Colorado until either she can come, or she is permanent here. We’re not leaving her to fall into the system. Nope.
Anyway…. Welcome to volume 1 of the Pucking Mess PCS, because it’s well, it’s a HOT freaking mess.
I have to admit. I ignored it for a long while. A really long while, and it was easy until the orders came in, and then it was kind of like:
That’s right. This mess is chasing us down, and now it’s time to deal with it. We’ve been compartmentalizing, handling what we can when we can, which up until now, has been Jason’s work / college schedule, and me finishing up ETS to submit to my editor. And now… We’re potentially 6 weeks out of a PCS.
Do you know how hard it is to plan a “potential” PCS? Blehhhhh. We’re in the weirdest situation because we keep making “potential plans” for our timelines, which means our map of things to do looks more like the most demented flow-chart known to man. If this… then this. But if that… well, then plan E, or G… or maybe G plus that part of B? Yeah. It’s that messy. To the point where we actually just finished another hour-long discussion on the insanity of our life and decision making. Trying to make these HUGE decisions without any of the information we need? Well, it’s like this….
We’re going round and round the same points.
But our orders are here, and that means we have to start making decisions for real, and not just theory. So much hinges on our Little Miss. If there’s no permanency for her in sight, do we really want to sell our house? If we’re stuck here in NY for another year while her future is undetermined, then I want our children in their home, right? But why shouldn’t we sell it now, and then live somewhere smaller, so we’re ready to go when we know what our future is? And what if it sells while Jason is at Advanced Course? Then I’m moving with 5 kids solo into a smaller place? What if there is something permanent decided for her, but Jason is already gone? Do we move solo to Colorado (so we can get them in school there), or wait until he’s home from the course?
This is why I haven’t been blogging much, because honestly, it’s a mess on top of my shoulders.
The hardest question I get now is: “How long are you going to be separated? Can’t this take years?”
Ready for the short answer? Yeah, we don’t know. The easy answer is, “as long as it takes.” Because that’s the only answer. Yes, the idea of staying here, separated from Jason is heart-wrenching. We’ve never been separated when we don’t have to be. But I also know what we’re capable of, and there’s nothing we won’t do for our children.
Another question I’m getting right now, are “how are you guys doing with this?”
The honest truth? We’re fine. Stressed, but strong.
There are days we don’t talk about any of it. We just enjoy our kids, our family, our time together, because we don’t know how long we’ll have it. We know we’ll be separated at least while he’s at Advanced Course, but it could be so much longer than that. So we try our best to savor each and every second we have.
There are days it’s all we talk about – how to prep the house for sale, when we should put it on the market. What we’re going to do given any set of circumstances. We’ve tried to make every decision we possibly can for every scenario, but the truth is, it’s not possible. No one can see every outcome here, not at this phase. There are times we look at one another and we each know what the other is thinking, that this is about to get really hard really fast.
So we hold on to each other. We stop cooking dinner and just stand there with our arms around each other when the stress hits. We curl up on the couch when we’ve talked out every scenario. We hold hands in the car while we debate the easiest way to get our family to Colorado, and can’t help but worry how many people will be in the car. We giggle, laugh, and snuggle our Little Miss when there’s nothing left to do but wait, because the truth is we have no impact on what happens in her future, only the love and care she gets NOW. We’re just the cog in the machine of what’s supposed to decide her best interest. And we hold each other before we fall asleep, and whisper our prayers.
A good friend of mine told me, “I’ve seen marriages fail for less.” She then reminded me that we were certainly not less. And we refuse to be, no matter what gets tossed at us. And you’d be amazed at the crazy things thrown our direction this last month.
We’ve always said, “you and me against the world.”
And we mean it.
So we have a new motto. We prepare logistically for the best case scenario, and hang on for the worst. Why? Because us leaving here sooner requires a crap ton of prep, and staying here longer requires a whole different type of prep.
So welcome to our little Pucking Mess of a PCS.
Enjoy the ride, because we saved our craziest PCS for last.
Here we go.