Set this Circus Down

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Ah, yes. Permanency. One of the things many of us military wives desire and seldom get in this gypsy lifestyle we lead. Really, how many civilians do you know that haul around boxes full of curtains that don’t fit in “this” house because they might “next PCS.” Yes, some of you are nodding your head. I am not embarrassed to say that I want a little stability, a little normalcy.

Well, we’re going to try.
For those of you who “phooey” on Fort Drum, guess what? I’m quite happy here. We’re under contract on an amazing house, and Jason has requested to stay, which is a little flip from his request 6 months ago to leave. It’s a gamble, and we know it. But we’re going to take it.
My kids have been yanked around from Colorado to Germany to Alabama and now to New York. It isn’t fair to them. I grew up that way, and while I love the opportunities it gave me, and how easy it is for me to adapt to a new situation, I want it easier for my kids. Besides, isn’t that what we’re supposed to do as parents? Make it easier on our kids than it ever was for us?
For a while now, I’ve felt this yearning. The yearning to plant a garden with Perennials and watch them come up in the spring. The longing to recognize the cashier at the grocery store, the teller at the bank, or feel like we really “belonged” somewhere. I feel that here. With the kids in boy scouts, and baseball, and soccer, and lacrosse, and football… well, you get the idea, I’ve gotten to meet people. I’ve reached out into the non-military parts of this community and I have to say I’m in love with it. I love Carthage. I love the main street, with its cute restaurants and kind population. I love that even with the intense snow and somewhat overwhelming winter, I’m happy here. I have a contentment here that fills my soul when I drive across the river, or watch the sunset behind the high-school as we’re leaving soccer practice.
Truth is that I’d be happy anywhere with Jason, and right now, this is our anywhere.
This place offers us the most stability, not just deployment, but PCS-wise. But it comes at a price. Yes, I want to go home to Colorado. Yep, I’m selfish for wanting it. But when the choice comes between staying here in the North Country and going to a unit that’s already scheduled to deploy? I’ll keep my husband home for more than 6 months, thank you. That being said, I miss my family. I miss my father and his hugs that make the world fall into perfect alignment. I miss my mother and the way she bobs her head when she sings, dancing around the kitchen when she thinks no one is watching. I miss my sister and the countless qualities about her that I could list here. I mourn the fact that my kids miss their cousins, and they’re growing up without having them down the street. I miss my mountains and the familiarity of the neighborhood streets. But I know that I gave that up when I married a man in a uniform, and I’ve accepted that until he’s put in his 20, the army runs this show.
So here we stay. Because we can.
This is a new phase for us. Buying our first home, planting our feet, but not our roots. Roots are for later. Roots are for retirement. Feet are for a sturdy place to plant ourselves and grow our family. So we will set this circus down in the place where we’re more likely to get some form of stabilization and less frequent PCS’s. The fact that it’s supremely beautiful here is just a bonus. This phase brightens our hearts and keeps us pushing forward through this deployment, looking ahead to the time that we’ll be together. Yes, I’ll be moving solo which thoroughly sucks, but it’s the 3rd time I’ve done it, so it’s less intimidating than you would think.
So this is our attempt to carve out a little home. Yes, I know the army could bite us in the butt. I’ve been in this rodeo nearly my whole life and I’m well aware that at any second the “needs of the army” could move us on 2 weeks-notice to anywhere in the world and I’ll be stressing over owning a house that we can’t stay in. I get it. But just the chance to stay somewhere a few years is so intoxicating that we signed the offer; we put the money down. We’re crossing our fingers and stepping into the world of the unknown with a little faith.
And I really need to turn off HGTV. 😉
So here’s to our new home. Here’s to the people who are supporting our attempt at a temporary permanency and listening to my lunacy during the crazy closing days. Here’s to our kids going to the same school for more than 2 years. As Tim McGraw once sang, we’re “gonna set this circus down.”
Oh, and feel free to stop by in the spring. The tulips I’m planting this fall should be coming up next year, and the year after that, and the year after that. We’re ready to take the chance that we’ll be here to see it.

2 Comments on “Set this Circus Down”

  1. Sarah

    Woohoo!! Here's to taking risks that lift your spirit. And here's to having a place called home, for however long it lasts!

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